… that when I reached the end I’d feel a bit of sadness or sentimentality. Interestingly enough, I don’t. Nothing but the elation and exhilaration of one journey ending, and a new one beginning. I read back on not only this journal, but other ones that I’ve jotted sporadic thoughts in and it dawns on me…. Mindas Ar’ran is dead. Like a character that I had played, leveled, and moved beyond. I don’t do any of the things originally associated with the “persona” if you will. I don’t do ‘jedi’ (the ‘sith’ are equally laughable), karate (Kung Fu, also equally laughable), philosophizing, contemplate the deep meanings of energy or the universe… none of it. I see it all now as something very trivial. I hold no faith in gods, idealisms of righteousness, maxims of peace, or delusional precepts of unconditional love and friendships. It’s been a great number of situations and betrayals that have helped to forge me into what I am now, and honestly, it’s more than just a little satisfying. I’ve survived. And thrived. And evolved — into something that my foes, naysayers, and false friends could never hope to achieve. Before, I grasped at power. Now, I have it. I wondered about “worth”. Now, I look into the mirror and see one who is very close to being “worthy”.
Once you go forward, there is no going back. In order to achieve the final victory, sacrifices must be made. There is no more fitting a sacrifice than the wreckage of a broken past. It is now a time for clearing out the dross — habits that keep me from achieving my full potential, dead alliances that have only brought me anguish, sentimentalities that will only serve as vulnerabilities in this new journey. There was a time for those things, once, a long time ago, when I was still finding my strength. For those things I leave behind, I shed no tears — they mean little to me now. My destiny lay before me, and with a burning clarity.
Good bye, Mindas Ar’ran. You served me well.
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