… since I’ve had such a sense of calm and well being. Generally, I’m always peaceful looking. I don a sort of laid back demeanor for work, and most of the other time I use a mix of humor and sarcasm to mask what has been a cascade of internal dialogue that questions everything I’ve ever thought true. Usually, these are questions of my value, sincerity, goodness, and whatever else happens to be nagging me that day. Today, is different. I had a bit of an epiphany last night. I’m really not a bad person. I often question my potential to BE a bad person, and while everyone has that potential, and even some more than others, that potential does not hold sway in my daily life. After a long conversation beneath the stars I realize that there is “darkness” and then there is simply “evil”, and while I might worry about the former, I certainly don’t worry about the latter. I am not overly compassionate, but neither am I cruel, not do I carry the propensity for cruelty. I’m not always honest, but I don’t craft lies nor do I exploit people’s perspective. I am not overly courageous, but neither am I a coward. I have no qualms with standing up to people, violently if need be. I don’t have it in me to be spiteful and bitter. I don’t carry hatred or thoughts of malice. No matter how much life throws at me, I never take the power I have and exploit others with it. I kinda think it’s like karate. They say that all real learning starts at the black belt. You’ve gone through all the lower belts, the trials, the tribulations, and despite the pain and long hours, you persevere to shodan. That’s where I feel I am. A very solid beginning — to be the person I’ve always dreamt I was. To be a worthy husband, a worthy father. I’m not there yet, but I’m relentless in the pursuit. And the thought that I am at least on the journey I’ve always wished I could be on leaves me feeling very… contented. 
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