Pizza, Caffeine, and Ba Zhi Men…

Ba Zhi Men:

殘 cán: to injure, barbarous
推 tuī: to push
援 yuán: to hold
奪 duó: to force one’s way, to seize
牽 qiān: to lead by the hand
捺 nà: to press down, restrain
逼 bī: to close in on, compel
吸 xī: to inhale, absorb

Shi Zhi Men:

貼 tiē: to stick to, stay close to
攛 cuān: to throw, to hurry
圈 quān: to circle
插 chā: to insert, stick in
拋 pāo: to throw, leave behind
托 tuō: to hold in the palm
擦 cā: to rub, wipe; to scrape
撒 sā: to cast off; let go
吞 tun: to swallow
吐 tǔ: to spit

So, it isn’t every night that I get so spend in the bliss that is pizza, caffiene, and new material: In this instance, the Ba Zhi Men. I suppose, technically speaking, it’s ShiBa Zhi Men but really the second Shi only re-enforces what the Ba Zhi already define. The only possible exception to this is 貼 tiē: to stick to, stay close to.  It’s also worth noting that I’ve seen 殘 cán to mean ’searching’. I’m guessing for a bridge or leak? Ahhh…. honestly, it’s been months. It’s very much like when you go out camping, really roughing it for a week or so. You get clean by splashing some water in your face. You shave (if you shave at all!) with cold water out of the canteen with a single blade disposable. You cook straight off the flame and generally, whatever game you get (or food you bring) is bland and burnt at best! A week later, you’re a grubby, sweaty, soiled mess. And then you come home, strip out of last weeks garments and get that first cleansing blast of hot, clean water from the shower. That shiver, that initial blast of ecstacy — that’s what new research, pizza, and ‘feine is for me after this drought of inspiration.

Thoughts of a different sort…

“believe me it could be done
somethin’s got to give
it’s got to change cause now I’ve got a son.
I’ve got to do the right thing for shorty
and that means no more getting high, drinking forties…”

-DMX, Slippin’

The responsibilities of parenthood. Completely unfamiliar ground to me. It’s one of those things that I honestly never expected to see. Now, I find myself 8 months away from a new life, for me, for my wife, and for my child.  Even people of questionable philosophies can see that things change so dramatically when you have a child. Your life, is really no longer your life. It now belongs to the purpose of raising your children. It’s moments like this that I honestly wish I had something more of a role model for healthy family living. Instead, I’m stuck with a long list of things NOT to do, hoping that anything that remains is a means of providing some sense of family, belonging, security, safety, and love for Kitsu and our child-to-be.

So, what IS the drive then? Honestly, I feel very adrift these past weeks. I’m not sure exactly what I’m supposed to do. I got some new training rings and some new material on Lohan Fist (more info on all that later), but I’m still feeling… wandering.  The most helpful information I’ve received is a little one page handout from the local clinic where Kitsu is getting her pre-natal done:

Positive Parenting

Be there… be a dad! (Which makes me a little sick to my stomach, since I have have no warm and fuzzy feelings when I hear that word.)

20 Ways to be a good dad

1. Protect and guide your children
2. Provide a safe and caring home
3. Hug them
4. Praise them
5. Discipline them
6. Provide rules and love
7. Teach them right from wrong
8. Play with them
9. Eat meals with them
10. Keep your promises
11. Set a good example
12. Read to them
13. Let them help you
14. Talk to them
15. Listen to them
16. Take them places like the playground or zoo
17. Make time for them
18. Meet your children’s special needs
19. Love them no matter what
20. Respect their mother

An involved father:

• Provides his children with a brighter future.
• lessens their physical, emotional, and social problems.
• helps the mother and eases her burden
• can bring needed diversion and a change of pace

Fathering is a way to:

• show your affection
• provide understanding
• teach beliefs and values (and martial arts! haha)
• learn to commit through involvement

Children grow best when mothers and fathers share parenting responsibilities and support each other’s efforts. Working together makes the family stronger and greatly benefits the children. A father’s role in no way lessens the mother’s role. Both parents are children’s first teachers. Parenthood is a partnership. Even if you can only see your children at the end of the day, your children will look forward to being with you. A dad can feed, bathe, discipline, toilet train, tell stories, drive, help with homework, and help in many other ways.

Being a good dad

• Be the kind of man you would like to see your daughter marry
• Be the man your son should look up to
• Treat their mother the way you would like your mother to be treated
• Teach your children honesty by being honest
• Teach them to keep their promises by keeping yours
• Make time for each child separately
• Teach them the kinds of things they will not learn in school
• Encourage talking. Ask them about their day, their friends, their interests. Tell them about your work, and if possible, let them see you at work.

Remember

• Discipline does not mean punishment. It means to teach and pursue the behavior you expect.
• Children need your affection as much as they need food and clothing.

Be there… Be their dad!

I think that in between regular training updates and journal entries I’m going to try and tackle or two lines at a time and see if I can expand on them and hopefully that will better prepare me. I desperately want to be a good father. This is something that you only get one chance at, and I mean to do it right.

Anyways, off to GenCon for the weekend and after that….

What the rain teaches…

Rain.

So simple a thing, and yet, it’s been on my mind for the past couple days, culminating in a tremendous storm this evening. You see, rain, to me is a spiritually inspring thing. It’s a model of how I want to live my life on a multitude of levels.

Physically, it tells me that there is a time for gentle nurturing exercises like stretching and yoga. Sometimes, there is time for torrential outbursts that tax the body to it’s limits. Generally, it starts to drizzle, then pour, then drizzle again, then stop. So that’s how I should work out. Stretch, build pace, consume, slow pace, stretch, be done and rest. Mentally and Spiritually… well, honestly, I’m not sure how it relates. I guess in a similar manner. I STILL don’t exercise my mind enough, though lately I’ve been doing various researches – mostly on philosophy though, so I’m not sure if that counts as mental or spiritual. I’m dusting off the 8 piece brocade for sakes and will be dusting off YijinJing next. I’ve been so caught up lately in boxing that a lot of my support systems have rusted from disuse. It’s evident that while my fighting offense has gone up, my overall structure is actually weakened as evidenced by my training injuries that seem to be piling up. My wrist has been cranky for 3 weeks now, though most of the pain is officially subsided. It’s strong enough that I can work out on it again, but still…. that’s 3 weeks that I lost simply for not using simple preventative maintenance and precaution. My other muscle tear is pretty much healed up as well, so I’ve been back running up a storm. I can say that physically, I’ve been pushing harder than ever before. However, if I don’t support this progress it will be like a tall building with no foundation. Anyone who knows the Tower, yeah…. it falls. LoL

As it relates to a path, it is at one time gentle and at another time ferocious. It can be healing and comforting or it can be terrifying and destructive depending on the moment and situation. Yeah… I like that! ^_^

So… a little about the Blue Lantern. Basically, it’s a dream that I had in which a number of people that I know (some of the Jedi in RL) all met in an old inn somewhere in fantasy china/japan. The way the meeting was announced was by hanging a Blue Lantern outside of the inn. At the meeting was all manner of heroes (wu xia style) and their purpose was to discuss things that needed to be done, people that needed help, and to trade training secrets and such. It was like our Gatherings, but with a more martial focus. Anyways, I’ve always thought it would make a neat little idea, but at the same time, it’s so close to the already well established “Green Lantern”. haha So, the gist of it is that wu xia heroes… Wait a sec, let me get you some info on what I consider a wu xia hero. Well, wikipedia is kinda skimpy on the details, but basically the wu xia heroes are mostly marital artists who are a bit like Robin Hood, squashing injustice and fighting for the good of the downtroden. It’s worth mentioning that it’s not JUST martial artists. In the stories there are Wizards, Doctors, Calligraphers, Cooks, Astrologers, Musicians, Herbalists, even Mathematicians (who use the Abacus as a weapon lol). I guess that’s how I kinda see the Jedi. The common people, doing what they can in a dark and sometimes treacherous world. Of course, that doesn’t always directly relate – obviously we do a bit less “kung fu’ing” than the movies, but the same ideas of right courage and honor exist. The spirit is the same, which is the reason I hang with the Jedi crowd even though I don’t specifically follow the same codes and such. Our goals are similar, our training is similar, the people are (for the most part) really great, and there is a general solidarity of purpose – Just like my dream about the Blue Lantern.

So, I guess I’ve rambled long enough and I do apologize that my writing is so chaotic and non-sequitor. I’m off to go see about working some support abilities. Next journal entry… the skills of the Wu Xia, how that relates to training,  and what I can actually do in real life. haha

Okay, so here it is…

I haven’t had any interest in keeping a blog for years. Way back in the day I kept one, but I found that it ended up being a trashcan for all my negativity and whining.

I’m not even so sure why I’m starting up another one.  I guess just to pass time and because others have said that keeping a blog can be a good way to keep track of your progress in life.  Who knows, 20 years from now, perhaps I will look back on this and laugh.

Lately, a lot has been going on with the children-having thing. I enter it with a strange mix of excitement and trepidation. I haven’t had much in the way of male role models (that were real, anyways) so I fear that I’m going to be a bit at a loss on how to actually be a dad. On the other hand, I’m so excited to make someone else’s childhood better than mine that I’m hoping good intent will cover a multitude of error.

Let’s go over the Trinity Soul:

Physically, I’m in better shape than I’ve ever been. Dedication to working out and running has really been paying off. It’s also good incentive to not let up! Must not sleep (figuratively, of couse). Next week I’m working with “power lifters”. Not really my thing, but I figure I can probably learn something new from them so what the heck. They don’t do any cardio so I’m bringing my jump rope. haha

Mentally, I feel slow and sluggish. I don’t actively seek out mental challenges or stimulation. Part of that has to do with the area and part of that has to do with my own laziness. I guess you could say that I’ve been studying acupuncture and anatomy, but it’s for so specific a purpose that it doesn’t really count.

Spiritually, I’ve been doing a bit better. I still feel very cynical and alone though Watching a movie, there were these pagans doing some nature ritual, and while it looked neat, I still couldn’t see myself getting into it. Lately, there hasn’t been anything that has given any evidence of any higher creator, power, or deity. I don’t guess it matter since I still just do what I do.

Martially: I got some iron training rings! I hope….. I ordered them and they haven’t come in yet, but considering they have been on backorder for almost a year, I’m excited that they might finally be coming in. I also got some info on the way on Shaolin Lohan fist. I don’t even know why I got it when I still have Hong Quan that I haven’t even done yet. Blah… impulse buying.

Been considering starting up the Blue Lantern again. I think I’m going to go bug Kitsu a bit and then come back later and see if I can sort out Blue Lantern for all you good readers out there. haha